The Endorsement: Self-Delusion Whoever said honesty is the best policy needed a reality check.  why you should lie to yourself.

why you should lie to yourself ? Of all the overrated things in the world — sex on the beach, John Updike — the most overrated is the Truth. The Truth has its uses, yes, but it should be approached with extreme caution. Especially when dealing with self-knowledge, the Truth can be a soul-sapping drag. My love of delusion crystallized when I learned about a psychological theory called depressive realism. This holds that the people with the most accurate view of the world are the clinically depressed. Studies show they have a correct perception of how much they control the outcome of events — namely, very little. (Not all scientists buy this theory; but they're probably just deluded.) More recently, I read the article in this very magazine about Dennis Kucinich. The man actually believes he's going to be president someday. Which is an astounding feat of self-delusion — and, I'm convinced, the only thing that keeps him going. Self-delusion is not a defense mechanism or coping technique. It's the most human thing we have. It's faith, existential courage, essential to mixing a decent drink, loving our spouse, writing a sentence. It's what separates us from the animals and the boring. I'm not just advocating positive thinking; I'm advocating a willing suspension of reality. Irrational exuberance. It's not a matter of seeing the glass as half full or half empty. In reality, the glass is usually 5 percent full and 95 percent empty. But you have to force yourself to believe that it's half full so that you can engage and try to solve problems and bring the real percentage up to 10. Because otherwise it'd drop down to zero, and Kucinich probably would have spent his life as a Christmas elf at Macy's. Embracing this idea has made my life infinitely better. Recently, I had to give a speech at a conference. The speaker before me was 82-year-old comedian Jonathan Winters. The emcee introduced Winters as the best thing to happen to comedy since Aristophanes. He got two standing ovations and a video tribute. He approached the podium using a cane. He made some cunnilingus jokes. Objectively, an octogenarian comic legend making oral-sex jokes is impossible to follow. And if I had accepted reality, I would have faked an allergic reaction and skipped my speech. Instead, I made the conscious decision to delude myself. I told myself that the crowd would find me just as entertaining as Winters. And because of this confidence — 100 percent manufactured as it was — I didn't bomb. There were no standing ovations, but I wasn't pulled off with a cane. We need this false bravado more than ever. Deep down, I believe planet Earth is in the worst shape in human history. I really do think that we are living in the End Times. I believe there's no way to stop H-bombs from shrinking down to the size of fingernails or prevent global warming that will turn Boise, Idaho, into a coastal city. But I'm going to remain in denial and do what I can. It's the only slim chance we have of saving this doomed — make that resilient — world. ***************** © Insignificant idiot, all rights reserved. This will continue........... thanks to visiting ma world and for your comments,

Live in Relationship is good or bad ? I just read a blog on Live in Relationship, which very rightly had drawn attention of rediffiland Members and attracted comments . I observed very strong resentment to "live in relationship" and it did not look like due to conservative Indian outlook. I made some comments but was obviously not appreciated because author had kind of made up his mind about How Live in realtionship should be viewed by the Society. " Live in relationship " is an individual choice be it USA,Europe or India . I have no difficulty with two adults deciding to live together with whatever objective/motive they might have. However, the consequences certainly their. Some obviously did not end up very happily and it has gone upto supremem Court. I would not even comment on individual choice,values till some trying to make it an " institution " . Give it any name - it has also not become an Institution in the West. I have some knowledge about USA and I think the Society there too is divided. Bad marriages and broken homes have been used as the reason to justify " Live in relationship" . I do not know why the logic used did sound like one of the former Indian Cricket Team Selector talking about importance of "Match Practice" ,though I do not entirely agree with him.As Match practice is not a substitute for Net practice and Cricketing skills and technique," Live in Relationship " is not a substitute for values, empathy, understanding of others and ability to adjust. It appeared author of the blog did not care to know how many live in relationships culminated in successful marriage, long and happy married life. The conclusion that two good individuals with values stuck with a bad marriage did sound very strange. In the old days, there was arranged marriages and no one ever imagined of "match Practice" prior to Grand Final. I am sure people who think and agree that bad marriages, broken homes or dowry deaths or abuse and exploitation does not make the Institution of Marriage bad or does justify " Live in Relationship" as a precaution to ensure "good marriages or successful marriages". I have known many reasons ( all one can imagine ) for a broken marriage,bad marriages. Some affected persons some times say that he or she did not know the other person. Today , in some recent arranged marriage, I was told the girl flew in to Mumbai to spend about 8 -10 days to get to know each other. It might be "fashionable" ( parents from both sides did talk about it indirectly inhinting that they are a bit more evolved ) but I am not sure about its real utility in knowing each other. I think these are individual choices or judgement with very little scope for generalizing it or making a check list. I believe this the same question most employers face while recruiting people. Inspite of many HR Consultants and Hr Professionals employed by the Corporations, still one finds high rate of attrition ( can we draw a simile with high rate divorce ). The causes may also be similar. I am not an expert,I am not qualified but real life experience says the Unrealistic expectation is at the root cause of both. It certainly needs research and debates with open mind. Another common cause is "There is no rule in this World which says every thing will be to your liking" This unrealistic belief or expectation is the root cause of "disappointments or dissatisfaction " which causes break ups in relationship resulting in divorce or attrition`. Corporate World has used "match parctice" as means to know the prospective employees by having them as trainees or apprentice but nost will agree that the system by itself did not ensure any thing. Similarly match practice ( Live in Relationship ) is not a guarantee for a successful marriage. Also think about the boys and Girls ( I can assure it will mostly girls) who get rejected after a "live in relationship". I read through the blog as well as comments. I did see it pronounced issue - what will happen to the ones get rejected. I also have another suspicion that a rejected case is likely to be rejected again . It is the same mind set we have when the prospective candidate tells that he has been trying for a job but has been rejected. I am sorry, I have seen qualified HR professionals trying to figure out why he or she has been rejected instead concentrating on finding out skills or qualities of a candidate. I am afraid, some will end up as candidates for "shacking up ". I have no difficulty with that too ,it is again a personal choice how he or she wants do with life. I am quite liberal but I have problems with people who want to institutionalize what should really be a purely personal choice. I thought it is probably not correct to debate on some one's blog space. It may not be viewed very kindly and if I insist on my views will attract not so kind comments. There has been some unpleasantness already. I thought let me put my thoughts and views as blog,though may not be read by too many. Let me sum up by saying that there is need to understand the "institution of marriage" and the responsibilities which go with it and have respect. It is imperative that people must have mutual respect and ensure that dignities are not abused. In short if marriages fail or get sour,my personal view is they do not fail due to lack of "match Practice", there are a few dozen reasons and it is not essential to make "match practice" mandatory. Live relationship can stay as individual choices like people make not so legitimate money and even flaunt. I wish them luck ! ***************** © Insignificant idiot, all rights reserved.

I am a Cloud The year I turned eighteen I eloped with a man from another county.[1] Later, I gave birth to three daughters. My husband was a gambler and a drunkard and boozed until he was completely legless every day. When he lost money he'd come home and beat up his wife and children. One of those awful beatings three years ago made me determined to leave him, and that's how I started my life as a migrant worker. I don't have much education and I couldn't find any decent job. I couldn't, and I didn't want to do those jobs where you had to sell body and soul, so all I could do was go to a construction site and cook for the workers there. Those construction workers were also migrants, living by selling their physical labour. The only thing different was that they were men. Each day I was responsible for preparing three meals for over a hundred people. The hard work can easily be imagined, but I wasn't really afraid of hard work. What I was afraid of was lack of respect from those men. Among them, some used filthy, disgusting language with me, some made passes at me, and some made a big show of urinating in front of me. During the day it wasn't so bad, but every night, lying down in the workshed, with the wind coming in from all sides, I never dared to take off my clothes, really afraid those men would do something to me. Lying on the plank bed, I couldn't sleep, thinking about my family. I didn't want to return, but my three daughters were always on my mind. Would her dad be able to pay the school fees for the oldest girl? Had the second girl recovered from her epilepsy? And was the third one still wetting her bed?... Every night I would think about them for a long time before I went to sleep, and as soon as the sky grew light, I had to get up and prepare the breakfast. My wage was 150 yuan[2] per month, but for someone like me who had come out to work for the first time, it was quite a large sum. Four months went by and apart from buying three packets of sanitary napkins and one bag of washing powder, which cost me eight yuan, I kept the remaining 592 yuan in my pocket next to my skin. I hoped to use the money to pay for my older daughter's school fees and the second daughter's medicine... After four months of life as a migrant worker, I gradually got used to the environment and came to understand those men. Even though they were crude people they were not bad. Their dirty talk was an outlet for their pent up feelings. It wasn't easy for them to leave home and come out to work either. So I was no longer on my guard. Occasionally I would answer back when they talked dirty. Not only did they not get angry, it would make them happy. Perhaps it was because there were too few women in their lives. I often helped them to mend and wash their clothes. And they used their spare time to help me fetch the water and wash the vegetables. Eventually I won their respect through my own efforts. Once, someone found me a job painting. The pay was better than cooking, but those workers would not let me go, no matter what. They said they only wanted to eat the food I cooked. If the money was not enough, they would be willing to make it up by each taking a bit out of their pay. So I stayed working on the construction site. In the blink of an eye it was winter and the construction site stopped work. I decided to go home. I thought that after half a year of absence my husband would have changed, but I was wrong. When I got home, carrying my cherished money that I'd earned with blood and sweat, the first thing my husband said was: 'You shameless thing, how dare you come back. No old bags who go out to work ever come home intact. I'd rather be a bachelor than a cuckold. Even if we were dying of poverty, I wouldn't take the dirty money you earned. Get out!' I said to him: 'My money is clean,' but he wouldn't listen and pushed me out the door. I shook all over and it wasn't the wind from the mountains that made me shiver. I secretly gave the money to my oldest daughter who chased after me in tears, and once more took the road away from home. It was different from the last time. Having experienced life as a migrant worker before, I was no longer ignorant about the outside world, my steps were no longer as hesitant, and I believed at heart: no matter what happened, I would go on living, living without complaint, regret or shame. I am a cloud, destined to float around in this life. I do not know where the wind will blow me next. Endnotes [1] Pang Hui's story was originally published in Nongjianü Baishitong [Rural Women Knowing All], 8, (1999): 28-29, translated by Tamara Jacka and Song Xianlin.